Oh my God. Is that poop?

September 21, 2011

It’s been a while since either one of us has written new post. I guess we’ve been busy, but I’m not sure what with. I figure I may as well add one of those posts that if Alice were to show it to her boyfriend when she’s 20, she would regret every second of it.

[Had to walk away to clean up poop from baby #2. It got on my clothes. This side-note will be funnier in a minute.]

So we’re all outside in the backyard – playing ball over the fence with the cousins. Alice goes next door to play on the swingset. As I am picking up dog poop (yes, I dealt with crap from three different butts that weren’t my own), I hear Alice yelling for me and I look over and she’s got her pants pulled down. After I figured out where to put my beer (on top of the air conditioning unit), I headed next door to help her out. As I got closer, I realized this was no ordinary accident.

She had crapped her pants. These would have come in handy.

Those things can hold an entire gallon of iced tea. The commercial says so.

I picked her up because she refused to move and really, how do you climb down stairs when the pants around your ankles are filled with crap? Can’t argue with her there. But when I picked her  up I realized she had also crapped on her cousins’ swingset. Awesome. I got her to the bathroom, wiped up most of it, then handed bath duties over to dad. I had swingset doody duty.

I grabbed a container of Mr. Clean disinfecting wipes, a couple plastic bags, took a healthy swig from my beer (still sitting on the air conditioning unit), and headed over to clean up the mess. After I Mos Deftly scooped the crap into the bag, I realized this was no ordinary crap cleanup.

Just so you know, the swingset next door is actually a really nice Rainbow play set.

A slide, a climbing wall, a tire swing, and more. They’re made of wood, which means there are small gaps between the planks. You would be wise to assume the crap landed right over one of those small gaps. I did my best to fold the disinfecting wipe to better scoop the crap out of the crack and felt pretty satisfied with my work. Then I climbed up one more step and looked down. I was going to have to go after this from underneath. Awesome.

I tried the same technique from underneath and had no luck. I actually needed a tool to finish the cleanup. I found a tiny twig, wrapped it in the Mr. Clean wipe, and finished the task. Crap cleanup accomplished. Now return to the beginning of the post where I’m holding Anna as I begin this post and she craps on me. Awesome.



One comment

  1. This would be hilarious if I didn’t see this as a scary preview of what my life is going to turn into with E. At least I’ll have someone to commiserate with!

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